


been caught perpetuating wrongs

by pixiepuff (colourmecrunchy)



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: Emotions, Established Relationship, Fights, M/M, Rough Sex, happy ending duuuuurh, have you MET me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-17 09:30:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colourmecrunchy/pseuds/pixiepuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>wrote this on that awful day in June when we got Pierrefonds photos and it looked like our boys aren't speaking to each other.<br/>so I had to draw my own conclusions, which is pretty much my thinking of the reasons for the odd looks and haunted faces, and then rough, make up sex.</p><p>Colin wasn't yelling. He never does, because he doesn't <em>need</em> to. His anger, no, more like <em>wrath</em> is something to behold, a unique kind of explosion and the ice in his words hurts more than any loud, meaningless name-calling would. Sometimes, Bradley wishes Colin would just <em>unleash</em>, and say things he doesn't mean and just scream his bile out, but it doesn't happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	been caught perpetuating wrongs

"The _fuck_ was that?"

 

Bradley only has a moment to turn around before Colin slams the door shut behind them, but it's not _nearly_ fast enough to mute Colin's outburst in front of the whole outside-world -- which, luckily, consists only of a hotel hallway, but that same hotel hallway still had _people_ there, people whom Bradley knows and _likes_ , even, and now their sympathetic stares beforehand make _so_ much sense.

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

And, Bradley feels a bit shit for asking this. Because he thinks he knows what this is all about. It has to be it, because as far as he's concerned, and he's pretty sure about this, they haven't had any other fall-outs over anything else.

 

The atmosphere has been prickly between them all week, charged with something _very_ flammable given the proper spark, and Bradley has to admit he saw it coming. He did. It's the one thing they keep arguing about, because otherwise they're pretty fucking perfect, but this always causes problems and he has no idea how it's going to be solved. He was dreading this, actually, because while they shoot at secret locations and at studios, everything is fine, or as fine as it _can_ be given the situation, and Colin is just Colin, lovely, grinning, sweet, with idiotic ideas, and never-ending spell incantations he practices out loud despite knowing how much it drives Bradley crazy in more than just one way -- but during all that, Colin is _his_ , and everybody _knows_ , and the world itself is going the right course for Bradley. Sure he'd love to fix a few droughts in Africa and find cures for diseases, but he has to admit that it's _quite_ enough if he has Colin instead. But here, _now_ , at Pierrefonds, Colin draws in, shuts him out, cuts down on all and any PDA _completely_ and it's driving Bradley crazy. He hates it, he really does, all of this hiding; Colin's paranoia is not without foundations, but it doesn't mean Bradley is okay with this arrangement, and the worst thing is he _agrees_ to it for one very simple reason -- it's what Colin wants. He knows he'd give him anything, _actually_ anything and he sometimes wonders if Colin knows this _too_ for asking such a thing from him.

 

And the thing is - he can be secretive, alright? This whole life of a celebrity, it teaches you a very valuable lesson -- don't say anything you wouldn't say to your beloved grandma's face and don't do anything you wouldn't do at a funeral. Anything else can and _will_ be used against you, and you _will_ be proven guilty.

 

So he hides, _they_ hide, and most of the time it's fine, but it starts to really get on his nerves when Colin does that in public for extended periods of time, when he pretends they're friends, or not even that but mere _acquaintances_ , and fine, Bradley can deal with Colin chatting to everyone and their mum during the breaks except with him, and he tried to pretend it didn't bother him that for the England's football match, everyone went to the pub except Colin who disappeared somewhere to have drinks with Eoin.

And it's not that Bradley is jealous, really. Or maybe just a little bit because Eoin is very tactile and handsy and while everyone else knows to keep their hold on Colin on the minimum, Eoin just grins and grabs him tighter -- and it aches. _Bradley_ aches. Because Eoin is allowed to do that, he can do that because "it doesn't mean anything" and "everyone will know he's joking around", but _Bradley_ can't do it to the man he loves, and it's. It's just.

 

It's not fair.

 

And it's killing him.

 

So he admits he maybe acted a bit odd today himself as well. Maybe it was petulant and childish and to everyone who knew what's going on, he probably appeared a right prick, but he honestly couldn't just stand there and hope, like some sodding desperate fan, to get a minute of Colin's attention.

So he went out and about with others, and laughed really loud and leaned in when they were saying things and he goofed around with the other "knights", and when Colin came near he acted distant and uninterested. It was a shitty thing to do, he admits, and he hates himself a little bit for it, but this whole thing started to feel very one-sided, _Colin_ -sided, and if they're equals in this relationship, he can't just sit around and wait for Colin to decide when an occasional glance or chat will not harm any of their reputations beyond repair.

 

"You know bloody well what I am talking about."

 

Colin wasn't yelling. He never does, because he doesn't _need_ to. His anger, no, more like _wrath_ is something to behold, a unique kind of explosion and the ice in his words hurts more than any loud, meaningless name-calling would. Sometimes, Bradley wishes Colin would just _unleash_ , and say things he doesn't mean and just scream his bile out, but it doesn't happen. He gets angry, yes. And he calls Bradley an idiot sometimes -- but all those times he really _was_ an idiot, so Bradley doesn't count the _let's be frank here_ moments.

 

"I don't -"

"Bradley, I swear to god, if you say _I don't know what you're on about_ one more time, I am going to ask for another room."

 

This hits Bradley like cold shower, and it hurts, but it also makes him really, really mad. He isn't some _child_ who ate one sweet too many, he's a grown-up who got hurt as well.

 

"Colin calm _down_ , damn it."

"I don't bloody want to, alright?"

"What are you so angry about?"

"Seriously? What am _I_ angry about?"

"Yes! Because all I did today was give you a taste of your own medicine, this whole stupid dance of avoidance and pretending and empty looks, see how _you_ like it- "

"Well _I_ think it was a crap thing from you to do."

"Why? So it's alright for _you_ to do it for days on end, but when I do it I'm suddenly a twat?"

"Don't you get it _why_ I do it?"

"Not to mention you get into character so much you don't even touch me when we get back to the hotel room!"

"You know it's hard for me to break Merlin's character."

"I'm not talking about _Merlin_."

"Then what, my god, are you _on_ about?"

"About you being in your _Bradley is nobody_ mindframe so deep that you think you have to act like that even when we're alone in our room!"

 

Colin narrows his eyes, his chest heaving with exertion, or maybe anger, when he takes a step forward.

"Is _that_ what this is about?"

"What?"

"You think I don't _want_ to touch you?"

"Well it bloody looks like it, ever since we got to Pierrefonds- "

 

Bradley sees Colin is really, really upset, and he hates this situation because he never likes to see Colin anything but his silly funny self, but he can't forget about his own pain, he can't just wave it _off_ , and if he's completely honest he knew this fight was coming. So it's best to just let it all out, even if Colin _does_ get a separate room for a couple of nights to cool off. He doesn't even manage to finish his thought when Colin is suddenly right in front of him, the weird, buzzing and electric energy rolling off of him and it's making Bradley really nervous for some reason, when Colin's arms come up to his shoulders.

 

For a moment he deflates a tiny bit, thinking _this is it_ , and _wow_ was it fast, _we're going to reconcile_ because he's going in for a hug, but then his mind registers the dangerous gleam in Colin's eyes, nothing soft or docile there, just pure and raw emotion, and suddenly Bradley's back hits the wall behind him.

 

He does a double-take. "You _pushed_ me?"

 

And, okay, it wasn't exactly violence, god knows Colin could never hit anyone, at least if it wasn't in the script and even then he's all torn about it, but it _was_ forceful. Colin took his shoulders and just pushed him, about two feet backwards into the wall. _Ouch_.

 

"You _think_ ,"

 

Colin bites his own bottom lip so hard Bradley is certain he drew blood, and growls

 

"I don't want to _touch_ you?"

 

Bradley finds himself speechless, and he can't even breathe because _fuck_ , Colin is the angriest he'd ever seen him, he's looking at him like he wants to tear him apart, just bite into his neck and _pull_ , or something as equally gory and _Bradley-dead_ resulting, and all he can do is just swallow hard. He's almost a little bit scared, and just nods back. What? It's _pointless_ to lie, he really _did_ feel like Colin doesn't want him for the past week.

At his nod, Colin's eyes get impossibly darker, his usual gorgeous forget-me-not blue giving way to something vicious and he crowds into Bradley's space. Bradley would like to say he stood his ground, or something, but the truth is he is so starved for Colin's touch that having him this close finally, after a hellish week and a particularly challenging day, Bradley can't really cope. Colin's presence, and his smell, it's _all_ so intense and close and projected towards him, and Bradley _wants_ , he wants so badly. His head falls back against the wall with a thud and a moan escapes his mouth when Colin murmurs, quietly but with more menace anyone could ever muster, "I'll _show_ you how much I _don't_ want you."

 

And then Bradley's prediction about losing his neck comes true, because Colin bends down, and bites, and sinks his teeth in deeper, and doesn't let _go_. He draws the skin in, and _sucks_ , his teeth piercing the skin and Bradley arches, mad-hard with exquisite mixture of pleasure and pain, as Colin pushes him against the wall again and swallows while still latched on Bradley's neck.

"I just sucked blood from your skin, _that's_ how much I _don't_ want you, Bradley," he breathes, and then repeats the same thing on Bradley's lower lip. He pushes his body forward, forcefully and without finesse as one of his hands closes around Bradley's cock through his jeans.

Bradley is dizzy, and can't see shit because he feels his neck pulsing like his heart was there, right in the open, and he can feel his lip swelling up under Colin's bites, and whines into his mouth, long and loud as Colin's hand on him squeezes hard. He doesn't have time to recover as Colin takes his hand away and cants his hips forward, driving them painfully into Bradley. He can feel Colin is hard, too, _rock_ hard, and licks blood, _his_ blood, _fuck_ , from his lips when Collin snarls at him -

 

"This? Can you _feel_ this? I am _hard_ for you so _badly_ because I don't want you _at all_ , really."

 

Bradley shakes his head to clear his mind a bit, all he can taste is coppery tang of blood and and all he can _feel_ is Colin's cock pressing against his, and oh _god_ it's been so long, what is Colin even _doing_ , when Colin grabs the hem of his jeans and practically pushes-shoves-throws him across the room, and Bradley lands square in the middle of the bed.

 

"Ow! _Fuck_ , Colin!"

" _Really_? _Fuck_? Don't you know I don't _want_ to fuck you?"

 

But Colin doesn't wait, and doesn't look at him when he starts stripping his clothes off. He's right down to his black boxer-briefs, still hard as hell, when he stops completely and locks gazes with Bradley. Bradley exhales, loudly and shakily, and realizes his breath isn't the only thing that shakes when he lifts his hands to Colin.

He wants to say something, anything really, but he wants Colin so badly, _needs_ him, he needs to be reminded why they're doing this whole stupid hiding fiasco that always ends with such a spectacular argument that naturally half the hotel knows what happened, and free complimentary gifts appear in front of their room the next day -- and Bradley isn't totally sure it even _was_ from the staff because Eoin always looks extra smug after they take the gifts. Bradley sits up and crawls on his hands and knees along the bed towards Colin and sees something in Colin's eyes, that dark, evil gleam give way to sheer _want_ and trembles at the sight. He reaches Colin and doesn't waste time, he leans in and mouths hungrily at Colin's cock over the thin fabric and moans when one of Colin' hands closes in on his hair and pulls at his scalp.

 

" _Please_ ," he hears himself moan. "My _god_ , Colin, don't you _get_ it?"

Colin above him is panting and his other hand joins in on the hair pulling, but doesn't respond.

"I need you, all the time, you and _only_ you and you're driving me wild, not giving me your special Colin smiles across the courtyard, or your tiny, too fast for anyone to notice touches when you slide your hand across my lower back, and I need you to come and find me during breaks like you would normally, and share a banana with me and then _kiss_ me until I can't breathe anymore -"

 

Colin above him shakes as Bradley shuts up and sucks on the head of his cock, dampening his underwear while bringing his hands up to squeeze his ass. "Oh, _Bradley_ ," is what he hears from above, and then doesn't have time to do anything else because Colin pushes him down and flips him over. He helps and kicks his feet, and tries to pull his shirt off at the same time and _naturally_ he ends up like a fumbling dickhead, getting tangled in everything, but then he feels Colin's strong hands steady him and remove his clothes for him. He's still on his belly when he realizes he's completely naked, with the heat of Colin's body, Colin's _naked_ body dear god sweet _Jesus_ Christ he is so _hard_ against his ass, pressing into him when Colin moans into his ear.

"You're _killing_ me, you know that? Sometimes I hate this, what you can do to me, and how I feel when I'm not in control of _everything_ in our relationship."

"You don't have to, Cols, you don't _have_ to be- "

"And then I get _mad_ and I close up because people are bound to notice, and _fuck_ , Bradley, don't you get it? I'm doing this for _us_ , as much for you as I'm doing it for me, and I hate it too, I fucking _hate_ it and I loathe myself when I see you watching me from the tent and I cant even _go_ to you -"

 

Bradley buries his head in the pillow and sobs, the want pulsing through him so hard and overwhelming he can't do anything, he can only _feel_ , and what he feels is something spectacular, because Colin is now pushing two fingers inside, two slick, long, amazing fingers and they're ruthless and relentless, the rhythm fast and demanding and he lifts his hips up and just takes it.

 

"More, Colin, _more_ , Jesus," he wails, desperately, and sighs in relief because Colin is kissing him now, despite the odd angle, kissing him fast and yet gentle, pushes at his tongue with his own and glides it tenderly over the cut on Bradley's lower lip. It stings, and it's swollen, and Bradley knows tomorrow _everyone_ will see and the make up staff will give him hell for the absolutely _obscene_ bruise that is bound to form on his neck, too high to hide with clothes, and his cock twitches painfully at the thought that Colin did this knowingly, completely aware of the fact most of the set will know who it came from, and moans into his mouth.

 

"Now, _now_ , I'm ready- "

 

Colin withdraws his fingers and not even two seconds later, he's filling Bradley up, sliding his cock all the way in in one push. " _Fuck_ ," is what Colin sobs into his back and shudders, and then pulls back out.

"No _no_ no, where are you going, Colin come _back_ don't stop now- " and Bradley knows he's babbling, but he's beyond control, and being stretched like this by Colin is insane and incredible and for a moment he's afraid it's all too much for Colin, but then Colin drives his cock back in, full force, and starts rolling his hips in fast, stuttering cants.

 

"Fuck, Bradley," he repeats, "I forgot how _tight_ you get after a week, _shit_ -"

 

And there it is, Colin swears and _shouts_ and it's loud and magnificent and it makes Bradley so god damn happy, because there _is_ an occasion when Colin will shout, and it's only this one, sole event, it's during _sex_ and it means he's too far gone and falling apart and so taken in with Bradley he doesn't even form correct sentences anymore, and it just makes something ridiculous swell inside Bradley's chest.

"Oh _god_ , Colin, _baby_ , just let go, just do it, for me _please_ -"

"Just for you, only for _you_ -"

"Shhh it's fine, it's fine, I got you," Bradley murmurs frantically, because he can't quite breathe properly, he's aching in the most delicious way and even his fingertips are tingling, that's how close he is and that's how _intense_ it's going to be, when Colin's right hand comes around and under him and starts stroking his cock forcefully, firmly, no real rhythm but it's the best touch Bradley's _ever_ felt, and then he's coming, he's coming so hard all he sees is black, and he can feel Colin above him shudder with orgasm, his name falling off his lips, and when he calms down enough a few long moments later, he feels something hot drop and splatter on his back, something he knows are tears.

 

"Shit," he murmurs and turns around fast. He pulls Colin close in his arms and hooks a leg around Colin's waist, enveloping him completely, just like he loves and always does it whenever Colin lets him. "Colin, talk to me."

"Oh god," Colin chokes out and his fingers scrape over Bradley's chest as if he wants to claw his way inside, "I was such a little _bitch_ this week, I was, I _know_ , and you were so hurt and fuck I'm so _sorry_ , Bradley, I'm sorry -"

"Hey, _hey_ , no."

 

Bradley strokes his hair and kisses him sound and sweet, pressing his lips against Colin's until he feels Colin has stopped freaking out. "Don't apologize, we did talk about it beforehand, you know. It's _me_ who has trouble taking it in, it's _me_ who struggles. You're so strong, doing all this with a smile."

"I'm not strong, Bradley, I'm a fucking _coward_. _I'm_ the one who wants to hide."

"Hey, none of this, alright? I _do_ know why you're doing it. I don't like it, and I know _you_ know I don't. I'm just asking for a little compromise here, for you to not push me away when we're _alone_ because I love you, I love you so much it _hurts_ and it scares the crap out of me but I can't help it, and I need you to tell me I'm not the only idiot here, please- "

Colin lets out a watery chuckle.

"Of course you're not the only _idiot_ , we _both_ are, but that's who we are, love."

 

Bradley hasn't heard that one for so long, and it's his favourite endearment of them all, and _shit_ he tries to swallow down his own sob, he does because he doesn't want to set off Colin again, but it still escapes his mouth so he just hides his face in Colin's neck instead.

"Oh, _god_." Colin is the one running his hands through his hair now, and then down his back, and when one hand goes back to Bradley's hair, his other one strokes up and down Bradley's hip, the one that's enclosing him, and rubs reassuringly. " _I_ did this, I'm so sorry, and I know you said I shouldn't apologize, but I _want_ to, because I feel so bad but _shit_ , Bradley -"

"Yes?"

"You must know, you _must_ , it's never me not wanting you, or wanting to kiss you or touch you or spend my breaks only with you and ignore the rest of the world, it's _never_ that and it'll never _be_ that."

"I know."

"I'm sorry for not reassuring you as often as I should."

Colin kisses Bradley's head and nuzzles at his hair. "I want you every single day, but you know what I'm like after sex. You know what _we're_ like. And it's not just paranoia, we know this because _others_ have told us, we're completely all over each other and can't get our hands off of each other, and how am I supposed to stay away and pretend, if all I want is just sit in your lap during our _five_ and squeeze your nose until it gets red and the make up lady chases me away with a brush?"

 

Bradley feels a chuckle bubbling up and out of his mouth. "That was priceless, you know. I think Eoin actually sprung a stomach muscle when she chased you away."

"I know. I laughed so hard I cried."

"Which is why you couldn't run anymore and she caught you."

"And smacked my ass with that brush."

"You had it coming, you know."

"Yeah but it stung."

"Don't pout, it's not like I didn't kiss it better later."

 

Bradley looks up and grins, the taste in his mouth still a bit like blood, but a bit salty from the tears as well, as he looks into Colin's beautiful blue, blue eyes. Colin looks back, his toothless smile all over his face, even in his eyes, and they hold so much affection Bradley closes those few inches between them and kisses him.

 

"It's not long to go," Colin murmurs when they part.

"I know. And I'll be fine, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"But you need to tell me if it's bothering you too much, yeah?"

"I will, but is there anything we can even do?"

"I don't know, I honestly don't, but I'll try to make this the least painful as I can, I promise."

"I just need you, whenever we have some time for ourselves, Cols."

"I know, love."

 

Bradley can sense himself dozing off, slowly fading away as the day's events start to take their toll on him. He's warm now, and sated, and in Colin's arms and he feels like everything will be just fine.

Colin fidgets a little, settling himself down, getting comfy and plants a loud kiss on Bradley's forehead. Bradley sighs happily.

 

"Bradley?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think that one day, we'll just go down the street and hold hands or something?"

 

Bradley is quiet for a moment and nuzzles his face into Colin's arm.

 

"Of _course_ ," is what he murmurs in the end and hears Colin hum above him happily.


End file.
